Cigarettes

I'm currently at work, it's Sunday night and it's very, very slow. I tend to smoke more on these shifts or at least my habit instructs me to do so more often unless I keep myself busy.

When I was outside smoking and I had that sudden feeling like I was on vacation. I felt displaced or transported for a brief moment. In that moment Columbia (behind the Berg anyway) wasn't Columbia anymore. This present reality ceased and one from the past came floating back.

My thoughts returned to Germany, when I would walk around outside Jasmin's house smoking my cigarettes.

This was my vacation...

With every inhale I took in a different landscape, a different culture, different sound and smell. Until now, I hadn't realized that with those breaths, how deeply they had imprinted upon me. That with an exhale of smoke they flash before my eyes again and I'm weakened with the thought that I will never see those things one single time more. The house, her family, their shaggy dog Jeanie, I won't have any of them again.

It made me feel a little sick.

When is this supposed to stop?
Is it when only when new memories replace the old ones?