That's not really true. I'm far from alone, I'm at work. Anyway, I've had sometime to myself tonight to think. What I've thought about is how uninspired I've become. Motivation has taken a backseat. I still have ideas, I still get excited from time to time when something pops in my head, but that's about it. I think about it for a few days, never really writing anything down, just letting it brew and then something else distracts me and I do nothing about it.
Now after all of this thinking, I'm not sure what to make of my thoughts. I've tried my hand at a lot of different creative processes. I've always felt that I need something to express who I am. When one isn't saying what I want, I move to the next. I'm not really good at any of these processes, which is more than likely why I keep switching back and forth between these creative worlds. Never really getting anywhere.
I'm almost 33. What do I have that says this is me? Where is my inspiration? I used to think that my muse stirred her finger in my drink, perhaps now she can't keep up with my drinks. Perhaps she just not there. I'm not sure I care anymore.
...sigh
~The
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2 comments:
This is something that I can certainly relate to friend. It seems that we think of inspiration as something that comes out of the blue and settles into us with an insistent, fiery passion and burns hard and bright for long enough to see us through to a finished work. It's as though we think it shouldn't require any effort on our part, as if we are simply a conduit for an idea of the muse, and that we are a passive tool to be used. It's a nice thought, albeit an unrealistic and romantic one. The truth, I think, is that art in any form requires patience and a very focused attention and much work.
I read somewhere that to become a "master" of any art, one needs to spend about 10,000 hours practicing its fundamentals. Muscle memory plays a huge role in that I'm sure, which is why master musicians and atheletes can do things with their hands and bodies that mystify the rest of us. It's that old saying about learning to walk before you try to run; that's why musicians practice their scales and chords before they really can learn to solo, and why artisits have to understand shading and light source and perspective before they can paint a good still-life.
When one artform isn't "saying what you want," try not to get frustrated, but instead take a step back and see if there is some underlying fundamental, a foundational component of the artform, that you haven't mastered yet. I can't draw much more than a stick figure myself, so it would certainly be pointless for me to try and express an idea visually by grabbing a paintbrush and some canvas; but, I've put thousands of hours into learning the notes on a bass's fretboard, the shapes of scales on the fretboard, right hand techniques etc, so I can sit down with my bass and express an idea aurally with much more precision.
You know, I want to rant and rail and spit in the wind against the creative apathy I feel right now. (And I think we are close to the same wavelength here.) I have so many ideas, half-starts, clips and quips and quotes and random pieces that all amount to... diddly squat. (I think that's the technical term!)
I have theories, of course. But theories are excuses and the time I use justifying and rationalizing could be used creating. Its like I tell myself constantly that "I'm a writer"... and yet I never write. I wonder sometimes if my greatest creation is actually the lie I've told myself to get me from one day to the next without going completely depressed/bonkers/etc.
And so it goes. As for me, the lie I'll tell myself today are my two favorite writing quotes... maybe by posting them here I'll find some reason to start to abide by them...
The first I put in one of my blogs, the second is paraphrased from an old Harper's Monthly article...
"My father worked 40 years in a factory to support his family, and he never woke up one day with 'factory block' "
"I try to sit at my desk each morning for at least an hour, blank paper and writing instrument in hand. My muse might not find me each day, but at least she doesn't have to go searching the bars for me."
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